these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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