what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
