why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
please don't ironically join a cult
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