you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
this hospital has no fireball
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize