dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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