; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
