I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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