I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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