You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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