i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
