We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
