I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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