Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
