She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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