dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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