i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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