splinters make it hard to masturbate
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
