I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
