no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
is this the sara with the beer cane?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
