Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Is it because I queefed?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I need moral support for this bender
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
