No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
