New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
