I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
