hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
