i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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