No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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