Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
