I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
no you cant smoke seaweed
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
