Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
