she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
