Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
