I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
