do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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