why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
