Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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