Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
