My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
