I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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