remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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