It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
