Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
