So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize