Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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