I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
