I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
