After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
