so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
