What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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