he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
