I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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