the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
