My room smells like vodka and shame
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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