Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize