i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
