He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
