sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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