My underwear smells like fireworks.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
