please come you make the beer taste better
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
