I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
When are your genitals available?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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