and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
