atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize