I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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