That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
