you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Why are your pants in the freezer?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
