the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
