her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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