Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
